From Impulsiveness to Mindfulness: Learning from our Children

I was speaking to Natha (my 5-year old son) yesterday who continues to be my greatest teacher. He likes to suck his thumb as I did as a child and has a very strong connection with his mom's hair. As soon as she puts bobby pins in her hair he likes to play with her hair and take them out. As he gets older we are making him more aware of this habit and starting to introduce the idea of mindfulness in this context. We spoke as a family about how we have habits or tendencies that we act on and my not even notice we are doing it. Practicing mindfulness is like opening up some space between the habit or tendency and our noticing it. This is simply the process of becoming more conscious. We may still choose the behavior but atleast it is a choice and not something being done entirely without awareness.

It seems that our young people are rarely taught to be aware of their own habits and tendencies. It is a very resiliency skill to be able to notice our own impulsion. The practice of mindfulness is one of noticing our own impulses and then choosing when to indulge them and when to make another choice. My son said with some frustration, " but Daddy I WANT to suck my thumb" and we agreed that was fine but it was important to notice how that felt and even where he felt that "wanting" in his body. Parenting is definitely a work in progress but to share a sense of self-awareness with our children and grand-children may be the greatest gift we can give them. I warn you, however, these young people learn more quickly than we do so once you begin this journey with them we must be willing to accept their tutelage as well. It won't be long before they are reminding you to be mindful in a moment of stress or anxiety. Isn't that perfect! When our children are empowered to be teachers then maybe the teachers can be empowered to be like children.

Namaste,

Steve

Just Do Your Job, Then Let it Go

I opened the Tao Te Ching this morning for inspiration for our blog. It is a marvelous book of wisdom that can always cut a path back to the present moment. Here is the quote...

"He who stands on tiptoe doesn't stand firm.

He who rushes ahead doesn't go far.

He who tries to shine dims his own light.

He who defines himself can't know who he really is.

He who clings to his work will create nothing that endures.

If you want to accord with the Tao,

Just do your job, then let go."

A central principle of yoga is vairgya or detachment which is the process of non-identification with roles that we play and thoughts that we have. Two major examples are the attachment we have to our jobs and another would be the attachment that develops to our role as parent.

Kids can be the best teachers of detachment although the older they get the less proficient they become. As parents we are more likely to hold on to an incident where there was a behavioral problem when the child has long since moved beyond it. Children are naturally in the present engaged with their senses and in awe of their surroundings. We can emulate that child-like tendency to be simply here wherever that may be. While engaged in your work give it your full attention, when you arrive at home give that your full attention. Sounds simple....and it is!

Namaste,

Steve

Yogi Jayanta